Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
