I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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