So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
