hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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