Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
