Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
