u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
