I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
