Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
