Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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