In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
