I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
