WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
