I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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