ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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