You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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