I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
