careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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