We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
