all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
