Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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