Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
they're like a gay fantastic four
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
