maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
