If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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