he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
