Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
