Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
