How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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