Just fell off a train. Bad.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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