I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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