I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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