I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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