Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
