laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
