my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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