omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
