Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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