and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
