I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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