So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
