Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
