she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This house was built for laser tag.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
