but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
