dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
