i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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