i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
