Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
