Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
