I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
