Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
FUCK WHALES
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
