So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
