All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
