Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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